is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
