The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
