I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize