If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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