You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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