Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
