How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
