i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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