I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize