Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
