Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
