thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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