Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
