You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
