he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
