you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
