I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
