He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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