He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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