Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
