He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
