i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
