I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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