i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
