You smell like stripper and shame
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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