i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
