i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
