Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the day after is always just damage control
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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