Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My pussy is not your playground.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got inside last night via doggy door
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize