i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
