It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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