mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
