i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
