something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
