dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
