I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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