Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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