He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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