Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
