I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
