He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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