3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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