If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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