how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
