so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
