i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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