When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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