Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
