Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
