he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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