I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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