just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
