At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
