I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
His nipple licking is glorious
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