I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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