You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
