She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
