I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
