hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
