I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Still dying that you shit outside
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
