Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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