Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
