I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
