I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
