turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
