my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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